let's talk

ok i'm totally aware that my blogs lack real substance.  on the phone with andy, i came up with the phrase "epidermal writing"  meaning.. only skin or surface deep.  i should patent that.  yes, no, maybe so?  anyway, i came up with a lot on the phone with andy for two hours tonight actually.  we talked about everything from blagging to existence to capitalism.  it was some of the most stimulating conversation i've had in i don't know how long.  its amazing how much i can spew out when someone i'm ultra comfortable with lets me talk.  its probably record breaking.  not that they have records for talking, but if they did, i would definitely be a contender, especially when i'm excited and have multiple thoughts going on at once.  when i speak freely, its like there is no brake between my brain and my mouth.  literally, you are hearing the thoughts as i think them.  i articulate myself out loud rather than compose what i'm going to say if some one is sending me vibes that they are truly listening and we're decently close.  so talking to andy, there is no fear of any type of awkwardness, so he gets/has to hear me sort my ideas out.  even tho my blogs are unoriginal and blah-ish, dont be fooled, i'm deeper than that.  i am good at thinking out loud.  writing, now thats a problem.  something gets lost along the way between my thoughts and the pen or keyboard.  i think its because everything in my head is moving at lightning speed and i can't possibly write fast enough to capture it.  maybe i am easily bored or distracted or something because i will have a fleeting, exhilarating, exciting and interesting thought, but if i try to write it out, before the first word is down, my awesome thought has escaped me to a far off galaxy.  i can remember what it was about, but i so quickly forget how it made me feel at the moment that i experienced it.  it is gone, lost forever sadly.  so the end result is a sentence that is possibly mildly intriguing and "cute" at best.  never really something too good.  luckily tho, i've got a mouth that can move as fast as my mind so i'm able to articulate my thoughts in that way.  i arrive at decent conclusions thinking about things out loud.  its really terrible because its what you write down that counts.  it sucked in "writing the essay" first sememster because while i did really well on all my assignments and i'm pretty sure lorraine doran liked what i had to say in class, when it came time to do my final papers, i just couldn't manage to get the complicated whirlwind that was my thoughts down on paper.  as a result, my essays just weren't that good.  granted, they had not too bad ideas fueling them, but they remained trapped in my mind.  i wish i could express myself in a tangible way.  there's painting but its not as forward as writing.  i wish i could write blogs about what is REALLY happening in my head.  maybe i should have an audio blog hahaha, like a podcast lol.  but reallly, that wouldn't help things.  i already know how to talk.  i want to be able to express myself via writing better.  and its just not happening.  i can tell you everything i'm doing wrong, but i can't fix it.  andy's being really adorable with ideas and stuff and i think i will try them.  i'm going to start reading the new york times again, but this time, not just skimming the stories for the news, i'm going to try and see how and why journalists write the way they do.  also andy is suppposed to lend me this awesome book on how cut out the "fat" in your writing if he can find it.  that is awesome.  i hope it helps.  however, i do feel like i know why good writing is good writing, i just can't seem to do it myself.  i find it easier to simply talk out loud about things as the thoughts and ideas are rushing through me.  however, you may or may not have seen this side of me.  if you at least know me, you've probably seen it happen sometimes when something excites me.. but if you're really close to me.. i'm so incredibly sorry for how much of your life is consumed by my voice.  i'll try to shut up a bit and work on the writing thing.  writing is a skill, anyone can talk.

- fantabulous rapper?  no.  rantabulous yapper.