legalize it right now, we wanna blaze one

June '07 

Doctor: "Do you participate in recreational drugs?"

My eyes briskly flitted over to my mother beside me before I answered with a guilty, but seemingly assured "No."

Doctor: "Good.  That's the number one cause of heart attack in people your age."

I put on a silly reassuring semi-smile for him as my heart rate accelerated and my chest tightened further sitting in the hospital chair wondering what the hell was wrong with me.  I'd been experiencing a chest pain near my heart for a few days now, and it had been showing no signs of weakening.  Of course, super concerned mom finally took me to get checked out after I had managed to avoid it for the past two days.

One nerve-racking EKG and a tension filled chest X-ray later, it was concluded I had only strained a chest muscle above my heart.  Probably something I was doing at the gym they told me.  Naturally, much welcomed relief flowed through me.  I had never felt such a pain before, and right near my heart?  Of course I was sort of paranoid on some level after it hadn't gone away for three or four days.

As we were waiting for test results though, all I could think was, "I actually used drugs and now here I fucking am."  Even though I knew the risk for a heart attack after using marijuana is normally only associated with the first hour after you smoke (because that's when your heart rate is most accelerated), you try reasoning to yourself and thinking straight when you are lying in a hospital bed wearing a gown that is most definitely not "one size fits all" with a machine measuring the electrical activity of your heartbeat attached to your body not knowing how the results will read.

I walked out of the hospital with orders to take three times the recommended dosage of Motrin every six hours and a good scare.  Immediately afterwards, I even proclaimed to a few friends, "I'm not going to smoke anymore, it's not worth it."  I whole-heartedly meant it at the time.  The fear and uncertainty I experienced that day was nothing I ever wanted to come close to reliving.

Drug usage is capable of presenting both moral and physical dilemmas.  I hadn't really battled either of these till this summer.  A few weeks after this ordeal, I had calmed down enough to realize I was overreacting and taking the situation out of hand.  My unlucky circumstance coupled with the doctor's inopportune question was just an unfortunate coincidence.  I've decided I shouldn't feel guilty about doing something just because the US government says it is illegal, and the health risks are minimal comparatively to recreational McDonald's use.

You don't have to agree, and I could see plenty of reasons why one wouldn't - but I've been through my internal conflicts now, I know where I stand.

Light me up!