wildcat

Living in NYC:

Positive: i picked up a video game proposal out of some recycling, and now i know what video game proposals look like; their formats, proposed budgets & milestones.  learning random shit by picking through the trash; its like some hobo intellectual fantasy.

Negative: i get texts that go like this: "guys just a warning - the crips are having an initiation this weekend, which will involve attacking a woman"

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"I feel the pain of fleeting joy."

-Nadja, the postmodern vampire

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how often do you see butterflies?

oxygenation

from sap green to yellow ochre and burnt sienna.  autumn leaves are dynamos.  and awfully pretty too.

oh, say something cinematic! ... or become a tragic figure.

you know what i miss right now?  sitting on il mio balcony and eatin some fuh-resh formaggio con my babizzles only worrying about what kind of wine we wanted a glass of that night.  you know what else i miss?  when sketching the view out that balcony was my actual homework.

are we going to get somewhere? or are we just going?

what do we do when we get to the gym and all the machines are taken?

we hide vincenza's water bottle in a patch of bushes and decide to run up to times square as our keys jingle jangle in our pockets.

what do we do when we realize we're ridiculous?

we giggle and reroute to the uptown gym, savoring spontaneity and the understanding that comes without words.

what do we do when we get lost in conversation and stay much much longer than planned?

we hope we're not too sore tomorrow and notice how the sidewalk between 8th and 10th glitters.

what do i do when i realize i haven't eaten dinner and the shower's occupied?

i fork cold refried black beans and log in to blogger.

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just started:  On the Road - Jack Kerouac

...the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to five, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say  a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"

my wondrous life

The weekend is a beautiful time.  It's afternoons are spent sipping iced coffee on a park bench next to the village drunk, searching madly for a place to buy a bottle of whisky in the rain and sharing inconspicuous city spots with discarded condoms, crack needles and a young kid practicing his pitch.  It's evenings, wandering happily through lights and buzz.  The nights, going round and round on a ferris wheel and sloppily missing almost every shot at pool.  The mid-mornings, lingering over unconventional but cozy brunches at 'Indian Taj' and walking slow in the sun.  

On a Sunday night, I lie awake, trying to memorize every little thing... and all of the moments in between.

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Oscar - who never defaced a book in his life - circled one panel three times in the same emphatic pen he used to write his last letters home.  The panel where Adrian Veidt and Dr. Manhattan are having their last convo.  After the mutant brain has destroyed New York City; after Dr. Manhattan has murdered Rorschach; after Veidt's plan has succeeded in "saving the world."

Viedt says: "I did the right thing, didn't I?  It all worked out in the end."

And Manhattan, before fading from our Universe, replies: "In the end?  Nothing ends, Adrian.  Nothing ever ends."

"come on legs, come on feet, i'm just trying to make a little bit of history"

its stupid times like when i don't care enough about bullying my little brother out of my favorite couch anymore that i realize even though i'm happy to be home - i'm detached.  my parents think i'm living here after graduation.  so cute.

but really, i've led a pretty babied life.  my parents, however strict - have done everything and more for me, and i understand how lucky i am.  all they want in return is someone i'm clearly not.  i do feel indebted to them, obliged to be at least satisfactory in their eyes.  but i can't hide so much of who i am for four straight months in a row again.  yes friends, i'm talking about next summer already, summer 2009 - the last guaranteed time of youth, freedom and sunshine for us '10 grads.

the plan:

bike & build 

inspiration:

my amazing friend, mo.  

i want to see the country, from east to west.  you know - open skies and mountains - all the way to the pacific ocean.. on a bike!  and you can't really understand how you live until you see how other people do it.

only one thing's stopping me from pedaling onwards...  

studying abroad felt just as impossible, but i managed to pull that off as an academic thing.  i don't think my parents grasp this sort of education, and it's such a crutch sometimes.  i'm scared of missed opportunities.

when, alright *if* (trying to be optimistic!), bike & build fails, i'll get a job as a waitress and learn about the different people in the world that way.  i think it's the kind of job everyone should have at least once in their life.  i know it'll be hard and often miserable, that i should maybe get an externship like i originally planned - but hey, it's not like i'm going to have trouble getting a job with a BSN under my belt.  looking back, that extra step or sacrifice never really brought me proportional rewards anyway.  i have the rest of my life to be career-oriented.  and i plan to live long.  right now, the young crazy years are running out and i need to do something i'll never have the chance to do again.  something i can only do now.

but then again, i change what i think about things around every 4 months.  if you told me in a year i will have cut off all my hair, dyed it purple and quit school to be a groupie - i would believe you.

sustenance: the maintaining of someone or something in life or existence

hey!  remember that sidewalk chalk?  of course you do, it was only a blog ago!  every time the rain washes them away, the colors are religiously replaced.  the walkway's already been three different patterns this week.

due to the mistake of forgetting my pb&j at broome, i finally ran into the elusive man behind it all.  he was a kinda skinny, scruffy looking dude, and didn't quite notice me when i stopped behind his hunched body for a second or two.  i told him i loved it, and he mumbled a quick "thanks."  i couldn't really make out a face from my height, any potential expression was hidden under his loose wool hat, but after i'd walked a few steps past, he looked up to shout a second "thank you!" at me.  if i catch him again, i'll ask him what it means.

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a soho resident's garbage is a student's treasure.

first, it was winged victory.  tonight, sarah spotted this mirror.  or perhaps, it spotted her and she took notice of it's parallel gaze.  we were just walking home from class and picked it up on mercer.  it was the first walk home in a while we decided it was okay not to get right back and work.  after sarah picked up the mirror, some invisible spark occurred and we took it, reflective face out, on a longwinded walk.  the fatigue of the day faded and the city was transformed as we caught stares and city lights in our magic mirror.  how strange to look at sarah, opposite myself, with the mirror against her chest and simultaneously see both her and the sights that lay before her.  how interesting to catch some people hold on to the image of their reflection for an extra second.  how beautiful to see epic aesthetics captured on a flat rectangle.

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here's allison wade at work:

it reminded me of a pre-wedding tradition in sikh/punjabi culture:

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mmmmm fresh, hot art!

yes, those frites are A-R-T.  at least i believe they are.  john bonafede sat outside, peeling each potato.  each skin became an elongated pixel, a stroke in a drawing.   each potato was crinkle cut and deep fried.  the altered potato was placed in paper trays (signed by the artist) and given away for free!  a medium was shaped to change it's texture and context - and ultimately, was consumed by the viewer.  when art leaves the aesthetic system and enters another, does it stop being art?  do the dimensions of the installation end in your stomach?!?

"Millions of people do not have sustenance to function properly.  While we hunger for good art others hunger for what can simply keep them alive... Please digest this reality as you enjoy this aesthetic morsel."

 - Bonafede

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now watching: my live video of mi viejo!

rrrrrratatatataatataaaaat is amazing.

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needle + syringe + sooks

i can give subcutaneous, intramuscular, and intradermal injections!!