do you ever get the fear that your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by?

My peripheral vision is not the only thing I've been lacking  the past few days when I'm making my way around covered in my obnoxiously large, furry hood.  With my hands tucked deep into my pockets and my jacket zipped straight to the throat, I can't help but feel something is missing as I collide with unfamiliar pedestrians and thoughts.  

I've lost the ability to see what's around me.

I wish I could see in all directions at the same time, but I've found my traveling feet are no longer accompanied with "happy" thoughts and instead, with each step, negativity consumes me further and it's all I see.  Don't ask me what's wrong because I'm fine.  The problem lies not within my life, but my perspective.  What's happening to me?  This is not me.  I don't like this.  Normally, everything bad melts effortlessly away as I saunter on my own through the streets, but lately this solitude that used to serve as way for me to amplify the city's magic in my heart is doing just the opposite - giving me an opportunity to focus on everything wrong.

I need to feel endless possibilities, gratitude, and wonder echoed in every footstep again.

i live like a hermit in my own head

but when the sun shines again, 

i'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in