plows

sometimes my mom and i go for a night stroll around our neighborhood.  tonight, we were joined by some other indian women on our street.  they get some exercise, they gossip.  i'm glad they have this, but in the back of my mind i'm thinking about how i so desperately don't want this to be me; the highlight of my day exchanging complaints and rumors with other women.  i fantasize of being adventurous till the end and rather than dying my hair, somehow looking good with my greys, as if they were beautiful evidence of my experiences in this world, rather than a decay of youth.

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the east coast is too crowded.  i want to be in a part of the country where the sky is big and you can see everything for miles and miles, even a patch of darkness over some place far away where it's raining. 

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one thing i'm definitely sick of doing is checking my phone for the time.  i've decided to buy myself a watch, when a special one finds me.

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a puppy.  growing up, this is what i wanted most, but lately i've been dreaming about owning a short haired, pure black boy kitten.  there is something so handsome about male cats.  

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today, i've been obsessed with female folkly indie rock.  like jenny owen youngs.  she's a real cool girl from jersey and i'm convinced that if we were to meet, we'd be friends.  well.. at least i would want to be.

and the lovely charlyn marie marshall, aka cat power.

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"I've been talking a lot to Suki recently about just a blanket feeling of restlessness, that there's got to be something more. Something bigger to take on, something faster to chase, something more beautiful to see."  

- Jamie's Blog

yesss!  something is for sure missing, but we don't know what.  i think i need some sort of illumination that would let me see something i encounter everyday like i've never seen it before, or better yet.. enter some completely unknown realm.  i'm ready for it!  i neeeeeed it.  but where is it?