the story of my name [by andy]

hi, i'm suckdeep.  my life sucks deeply.  and i blame it on my name.

when i was at the tender age of four, two white girls threw rocks at me because of my name.

white girl 1: what's your name?

suckdeep: ... its suck deep.  suck deep rat whore.

white girl 2 throws a rock at suckdeep's face.

suckdeep: sticks and stones may break my bones and disfigure my face, but words will never hurt me.

this situation was only the beginning of an onslaught of immature jokes regarding my name in years to come.  all of elementary school and middle school, i endured it.  whenever my teacher paused with a quizzical look during role call (as if she is trying to read Elvish/Tengwar inscriptions), i would tense up and sweat profusely.  "suck.. deep?"  suck deep rat hobag?  whore?"  my face burned in shame as i raised my hand.  "present."  all of the other kids looked at me as if i'm some kind of alien with a ridiculous name like "man-ho" or "hump-me" or "grab-and-pull-my-penis."  i'm human and my name is "suckdeep."  whats the big deal?

suckdeep is the name that was given to me.  and no matter how many people point and laugh at me, or throw rocks at me, or slap a "punch me in the jugular" post-it on my back, i'm still going to be proud of my name.  i will always be a suckdeep rat whore.  like i said when i was four: "sticks and stones may break my bones or disfigure my face, but words can never hurt me."

and then i met hardik.  what a ridiculous name!  did he realize that hardik rhymes with "hard dick?"  my entitlement to immature fun led to me making his life a living hell.  hardik.  lollers.

anyway, i am going to go think of hackneyed insults involving hardik's name and its striking resemblance to "hard dick."

-suck deep